Let the Mystery Be
by Somilge
Summary: Or the other 90 ways Sam watched Dean die during that sadistic Tuesday. Set During Ep03.11 'Mystery Spot'.
1. Starting With Breakfast

**Let the Mystery Be**

Or the other 90 ways Sam watched Dean die during that sadistic Tuesday. Set During Ep03.11 'Mystery Spot'.

I've been kicking this idea around for a while, but I've also been putting it off considering how daunting it is. Basically every chapter is a bite-sized take on all the other 90 undocumented ways that Dean died that Tuesday. Why 90? Well presumably Dean died a hundred times during that Tuesday when the Trickster (Dad love him) decided to get pop-happy, and only ten were documented during the episode. So I'm filling in the blanks. I know this must have been done before, somewhere, somehow, and to anybody who can point me to a fic with the same premise please do – I would love to read it.

The title is taken from an Iris Dement song of the same name. I actually went through a whole mess of songs ('Please Don't Bury Me' by John Prine coming in a very close second, and although it was lighthearted it didn't quite fit) until I settled on this one. The song is kind of broody and heavy, but it kind of fits better. Turns out, there aren't a lot of humorous songs about death. Who knew?

Rated T for language and violence – no matter how funny you try to make it, repeatedly killing off a fictional character (especially one as yummy as Dean) can get very morbid. Oh, and these are mostly in random order.

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><p><strong>Starting With Breakfast<strong>

"So you're telling me you're reliving this Tuesday over and over again? Like you're in a time loop – like _Groundhog Day_?" Dean said, staring at his brother evenly over the table in the diner.

Sam, looking notably drained and on edge, nodded wearily. "I've watched you die over and over again. We need to find a way to break this stupid loop."

Dean looked critically at him, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Okay. So if we're going to break it, we have to start doing things differently. Starting with breakfast."

As Sam watched he stood up to head over to the counter and talk to their waitress, Doris. "Hey, sweetheart, cancel that pig in a poke, I'll have—"

That was as far as he got before he slipped on a greasy napkin on the floor and careened towards the counter. Before Sam could get to his feet to grab him, Dean fell on the breadknife of the man eating pancakes, the force pushing the dull blade into his chest and severing his aorta. Dean toppled to the floor amidst cries of panic.

Sam clutched at his hair. "Dean?"


	2. Heat of the Moment

**Heat of the Moment**

The numbers on the radio alarm clock flipped to 7.30 am; the music played and Sam's eyes opened.

'_Heat of the moment…_'

"Rise and shine, Sammy!" Dean exclaimed from the next bed, tying his shoes.

He was surprised when a very grumpy Sam got up, grabbed Dean's own firearm from the bag on the floor, and fired two shots at the radio alarm clock, which blew apart. Part of the device flew into the air and promptly imbedded itself right in Dean's left temple. The elder Winchester sprawled back onto his bed, inert.

Sam stared at his unmoving form, flabbergasted. "Dean?"


	3. You Kinky Bastard

**You Kinky Bastard**

"You had a weird dream?" Dean asked, slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder. "Clowns or midgets?"

"Why does it have to be one or the other?" Sam asked, following his brother out of the motel room.

"Are you telling me it was both?"

Sam rolled his eyes at him. "Whatever. Let's just go."

Dean grinned. "I'll take that as a yes. Sammy, you kinky bastard."

"Dean, watch out!"

Dean turned, only to see the cleaning lady's bucket and mop too late. He tripped over it and ended up toppling down a flight of stairs.

Sam stopped at the top of the steps, joined by the cleaning lady, who let out a scream and ran off to presumably find help. Sam looked at the awkward angle of his brother's body at the foot. "Dean…?"


	4. One Too Many Red Bulls

**One Too Many Red Bulls**

"Enlighten me, why are we stripping the Mystery Spot again?" Dean asked, watching as Sam sliced through drywall with a power tool.

Sam stopped long enough to catch his breath and point at the wall like it was a vile offender. "There has got to be something here, a clue or some other shit, that can help us break out of this fucking time loop we're in. Now either help or shut up."

He resumed what he was doing, wherein Dean turned a semi-apologetic smile to the proprietor of the Mystery Spot, who was currently gagged and duct-taped to a chair, looking on horrified. "He's usually much more mellow than this. You give a guy one too many Red Bulls…"

Dean shrugged and turned back to the section of wall that he had been trying to pry apart with a crowbar. He wedged his tool in the crack, yanked, grunted, and felt it start to give way. "Hey, finally—"

Sam heard a dull crashing noise and whirled around just as his brother disappeared underneath a section that had fallen down. "Dean?"


	5. I Think It's Broken

**I Think It's Broken**

"Give me the demolition hammer, Sammy," Dean demanded, holding his hand out.

Sam obstinately clutched at the power tool and shook his head. Somehow the thought of handing over a piece of machinery with a high level of risk to someone who kept invariably getting himself killed defeated the purpose of keeping him alive. "No. With your luck, it'll end up poking a hole in your skull."

"Stop treating me like a fucking five-year-old, Sam – I've gone this far as a hunter without maiming myself. Give me a little credit here."

"No," Sam said obstinately. "You can play with it tomorrow. Today, however, I'm going to keep it."

Dean's response was to wrestle the tool out of his brother's hands. "Hey!" Sam protested.

Dean flicked the switch but when nothing happened he tapped and shook the device, saying, "I think it's broken."

That was the precise time the demolition hammer came to life, snagging Dean's necktie in the process. Sam was too late to save his brother from being strangled, giving a choked gurgle as he collapsed.

Sam groaned, "Goddamnit, Dean…"

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><p>I have a confession to make – I've listed as many instances of death for this fic that I can, but I'm currently stuck at the fifty mark (it's hard to think of ways to kill off somebody in as many unexpected but vaguely believable ways in a small town). I would love to hear any suggestions or comments on how I can improve this story in any way. Much thanks!<p> 


	6. Get Me Some Reese's Pieces

**Get Me Some Reese's Pieces**

Dean fed the nozzle of the gas pump into the Impala and watched as the counters began to move. Gas prices were hell. Thankfully even the smallest, two-bit stations took credit. And the attendant at this one hadn't even raised an eyebrow at swiping the card of 'Mr Jack Mehoff'.

"I'm going to get supplies," Sam said, cocking his head over to the convenience store across the street. "You want anything?"

"Yeah, get me some Reese's Pieces. And the latest copy of _Busty Asian Beauties_."

Sam flashed him an annoyed look and headed for the store.

He was gone for about five minutes when Dean's phone started to ring. The elder Winchester looked at it, noted that it was Bobby calling, and moved to press the receive button.

Inside the store, Sam stared at the copy of _Busty Asian Beauties_ on the shelf, wondering if he should get his brother one to placate him, and how the adult magazine seemed to get such wide circulation. He was jolted out of his thoughts at the sound of an explosion, screams, and the unmistakable red haze of fire coming from the gas station. "Dean!"

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><p>Thanks so much for the suggestions, I'll try to incorporate as much as I can, so please keep them coming!<p> 


	7. You Little Farthole

**You Little Farthole**

Dean scratched the back of his neck in annoyance. "I can pump gas into the car, Sam. I'm not a fucking invalid."

"After watching you catch on fire, I think I'm going to play it safe with this one," Sam said, one hand on the nozzle, eyes on the counters as the numbers rolled around.

Dean was about to protest some more when all of a sudden a kid rolled by on a scooter, scratching the side of the Impala with his keychain on the way. "Hey, come back here, you little farthole!" Dean yelled, immediately chasing the kid…

… Only to get hit by an SUV backing out at a separate pump. There was a sickening thud as Dean fell underneath the vehicle, which then rolled over him for good measure.

Sam dropped the gas pump just as the soccer mom behind the wheel of the SUV began to scream. "Dean…"


	8. In Mortal Danger

**In Mortal Danger**

"So I die every single day, and then you black out and when you wake up the day resets itself?"

"In a nutshell," Sam said, his eyes darting back and forth, looking for any hazard that Dean might unwittingly walk into and get his head sliced off in return.

"And it's all been random occurrences?"

"Almost Darwin Award-worthy, yes."

Dean flashed him an annoyed look. "Hey, I may be a lot of things, but clumsy, uncoordinated and stupid enough to get killed because of my own damn fault isn't one of them."

"Could have fooled me."

"So you're saying that right now, walking down this street, I am in mortal danger."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm—" Sam stopped when he realized that his brother was no longer beside him. He turned to spot an open manhole where Dean last stood. "Dean?"


	9. Beer, Of Course

**Beer, Of Course**

Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Dean happily plucked a copy of_ Busty Asian Beauties_ off the magazine rack. "Is that really an essential?" he chided.

"Hey, I don't question your need to buy brand name shampoo," Dean shot back.

"Fine, just hurry up," Sam said, wanting to get out of the convenience store quickly.

"Yeah, yeah, don't rush me," Dean said. "Let's see, essentials, essentials… Hey, beer, of course."

He headed for the refrigerators at the back, missed the 'wet floor' sign (as it was partially hidden by the magazine rack, ironically enough), slipped, flailed wildly, and promptly cracked his head on a shelf as he was going down.

Sam turned around only to see his brother's unmoving form on the floor being buried by falling junk food packets. "Dean?"

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><p>This whole week's worth of updates is a nod to 'Clerks', one of the most awesome movies about absolutely nothing. Turns out there are various ways to die in a convenience store. I may revisit this area again in future chapters. Once again, thanks so much for the suggestions and keep them coming!<p> 


	10. Let's Think About This

**Let's Think About This**

"Wow," Dean said, noting the packet of Reese's Pieces, six-pack of beer, and a copy of _Busty Asian Beauties_ that Sam slapped onto the counter. "You're starting to really understand me, Sammy. I'm feeling kind of spoiled."

Sam scowled and said nothing as he pulled out his wallet to pay, only to hear the unmistakable click of a gun behind him. The brothers turned to see a terrified-looking guy in his late teens holding a pistol. "Give me all the cash you've got," he demanded in a shaky voice to the clerk at the register.

The clerk gave a groan. "Of all the… I'm not even supposed to be here today, you know!"

"Whoa, kid, let's think about this," Dean said in an even voice, and then cautiously began to advance before Sam could stop him.

"Stay back, man!" the teen warned and, with a nervous flick of his hand, the gun went off. All of them watched in horror as the blood pooled to the bullet hole in Dean's chest.

Sam caught his brother as he went down. "Dean…!"


	11. If We Could All Just Calm Down

**If We Could All Just Calm Down**

"Give the kid the money," Sam was yelling at the perplexed clerk at the register. "What do you have in there, like ten bucks?"

"Sam, what the hell's gotten into you?" Dean demanded.

"Listen to the guy with the goofy haircut!" the teenager with the gun said.

"Really, dude, I'm trying to avoid unnecessary bloodshed and helping you out in the process – do NOT piss me off," Sam said to him.

"All right, if we could all just calm down here—" Dean said, right before the clerk took the distraction as an opportunity to pull out, of all things, a shotgun, and leveled it at the teen with the pistol.

"Put the gun down!" the clerk ordered.

"No, YOU put the gun down!" the teen yelled back foolhardily.

And then the shotgun went off. Sam could only watch in despair as Dean stared almost comically at the hole in his chest before slumping to the floor in a pool of his own blood. "Dean…"


	12. We're Really Not Going to Do Anything?

**We're Really Not Going to Do Anything?**

"Put the gun down!" the clerk ordered.

"No, YOU put the gun down!" the teen yelled back, pistol and shotgun in a face off.

Dean looked at Sam. "So we're really not going to do anything?"

Sam shook his head resolutely. "Nope. And stay out of their goddamned range, Dean."

Before either party could fire a shot, the door opened and, as luck would have it, two cops walked in. The police officers took a look at the scene and the senior one held up a hand to attempt to talk and diffuse the situation. His rookie partner, however, immediately reached for his gun and yelled, "All right, drop your—"

Before he could finish his firearm went off and Dean once again collapsed to the floor with a bullet hole in his chest, prompting Sam to yell, "REALLY? What the FUCK? Dean!"


	13. It Better Be Really Good Beer

**It Better Be Really Good Beer**

Dean glared at Sam. "Let me get this straight – I can't even go into the goddamned convenience store now?"

Sam held out a hand. "Trust me, Dean, please. Just wait here – I will go in there and get your stupid candy, your nudie mag, and some beer. Just. Wait. The. Fuck. Here."

Dean crossed his arms, looking very displeased. "Fine. But it better be really good beer."

Sam didn't reply to that, instead crossing the street to go to the convenience store. When he was about halfway, the young adults playing street hockey (of all things and of all places) on the roof of the structure let out a loud yell and a small, hard ball came whizzing through the air. As he watched it flew straight and true, thudding Dean right between the eyes. His brother's head cocked back a bit and then he fell over, inert.

Sam let out a loud groan. "You have got to be FUCKING kidding me. Dean!"

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><p>And so ends this week's tribute to 'Clerks'. I'll proceed to ripping off other aspects of pop culture next week. I hope to start doing some of the suggestions as well. As always I am open to more ideas. Please review!<p> 


	14. We're Just Going to Sit Here?

**We're Just Going to Sit Here?**

Dean sat on his bed, restlessly flexing his fingers and tapping his feet. In contrast, Sam was sitting on his own bed, facing him with a still, steely glare.

Finally Dean broke the silence. "So we're not going out at all? We're just going to sit here?"

"Yes," Sam replied.

Dean sighed and pressed his lips together in a displeased frown. Presently Sam decided they could at least talk, but before he could say anything something blasted through the roof at seemingly five hundred miles per hour and crashed right into Dean with enough force to bust both straight through the floor.

Sam was bowled over but he shot to his feet to look through the hole, where the elderly man in his underwear renting the room downstairs was also staring in shock at Dean's partially debris-covered body and the smoking remains of what appeared to be a toilet seat.

Sam swallowed. "Dean…"

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><p>This is a tribute to the short-lived show <em>Dead Like Me<em>, which had one of the most awesome, notable deaths of all time.


	15. I'll Live

**I'll Live**

"Cut it out, Sam. Sam!" Dean was yelling at his younger brother, Sam mimicking his every word. They were attracting attention, but an infuriated Dean didn't care. "Sam Winchester wears makeup. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex."

Dean scowled and tried a final stab. "Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by his bed and every morning when he wakes up—"

"I do NOT!" Sam yelled, finally cutting him off.

Dean smirked at him. "Ha, gotcha."

"Okay, that was a new one," Sam said begrudgingly, storing it into his memory for later on.

Dean was about to reiterate that he was not a lightning rod for cruel and unusual deaths when a teenager flew by on his skateboard and nailed him in the crotch with a knee. Dean turned purple, grabbed at his groin and doubled over.

"Are you all right?" Sam asked, although it took some effort not to laugh.

"Of course I'm not all right," Dean rasped, finally regaining his breath and noting that the offender was long gone. "Son of a… I'll live, let's just go."

Two hours later he collapsed on the street.

An hour after that a doctor was solemnly explaining to Sam that it must have been a blood clot sustained from a heavy hit that clogged an artery.

Sam simply closed his eyes and shook his head, waiting to wake up again. "Dean…"


	16. Almost There

**Almost There**

"I didn't even know they still made card catalogs," Sam complained, looking through the cards in a long, wooden box.

"What's a card catalog?" Dean asked.

Sam rolled his eyes, finally found the card of a book that could be helpful, and tossed it to Dean. "Here, find that one, would you? I'll check what I can find on the 'net."

Dean grumbled as Sam headed for the computers. He had always thought of research as the true necessary evil. Dean looked around for a while and then he craned his neck upwards and, as luck would have it, some inconsiderate idiot had placed the book on top of the bookcase itself, just out of Dean's reach.

Sam could have gotten it, but the last thing Dean wanted was to have to ask his (not so) little brother to reach up and grab something for him. So, first checking if anyone was looking, he tested the strength of the bottom shelf, heaved himself up and reached for the book. "Almost there…"

There was a crash on the other side of the room and Sam's head shot up from the computer, turning to where a librarian was rushing over to a fallen bookcase. "Dean?"


	17. First Drink, Then Think

**First Drink, Then Think**

Seeing as Sam had insisted he keep away from the power tools, or any tool for that matter (prompting Dean to ask if that meant keeping away from him too), Dean wandered out to the Mystery Spot's reception area and stopped in front of a brightly lit vending machine. Feeling thirsty, he fished a few coins out of his pocket and fed them into the slot, taking note of the tagline on the side of the soda's packing. "Huh… First drink, then think." The bottle of Sprite was nudged forward but stopped just short of falling into the chute.

Dean groaned, and then resignedly shed his jacket, got on his knees and stuck his arm up the chute. He pushed and strained, and just as his fingertips touched the bottle he heard an ominous groaning noise as the vending machine began to tip forward…

Sam's head snapped up as he heard a crash. "Dean?"


	18. Cough Gag Croak

***Cough* *Gag* *Croak***

Sam wondered, not for the first time, how he could be related to such an obnoxious prick.

Dean, his head tilted back, continued to gargle with his mouth wide open, pretending to be wholly oblivious to a grumpy Sam, just to annoy him more.

Sam reached for his toothbrush, but Dean grabbed for his razor at the same time, knocking it out of his hand. Sam's knee-jerk reaction was to shove his brother out of the way. Dean coughed, apparently mis-swallowed his mouthwash, gave a wet gurgle(i) and hit the floor.

Sam dropped to his side and clutched at Dean's shirt, even as the elder Winchester gave a final croaking noise from the back of his throat and then went still. Sam was incredulous. "… Dean?"

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><p>This installment of Dean-fatality was brought to you by fanspired and antra – thank you, guys!<p>

i Apparently it is possible to drown in less than a cup of water, provided it's been breathed into the lungs.


	19. Chickening Out

**Chickening Out**

"Since when has our first instinct when facing something we don't understand be to run?" Dean demanded, following Sam to the Impala.

Sam stopped at the car, turning to face his brother. "Trust me, Dean, this isn't the first instinct, more like the fifty-first. Call it regrouping."

"I call it chickening out."

"Fine, call it whatever the hell you want, can we just go?"

Dean gave a displeased noise, but opened the trunk, propped it with a shotgun in his customary manner, and proceeded to stuff his various weaponry inside. Sam saw the gun wobble too late and all of a sudden it gave out, the trunk slamming shut onto Dean's neck, decapitating him instantly.

Sam watched in horror as Dean's body twitched and the blood flowed out of the partially open trunk. "Dean!"

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><p>This delightful little Dean fatality was brought to you by fanspired – I just loved the visual on this one. Thanks a lot!<p>

I'm a little behind on my replies, but I will try to respond to all the suggestions!

The official countdown to Season 7 begins! This week has a similar theme again, with the brothers trying over and over again to get out of dodge, ending just in time for the first episode on Friday. So stoked!


	20. You're Just Being Morbid

**You're Just Being Morbid**

"I get decapitated?" Dean was incredulous, his eyes on the road as he drove. "Are you kidding me, Sam?"

"It happened right in front of me, Dean," Sam said, still looking wan at the thought. "Neck down you were just sticking out of the trunk. And the blood… It was like a fucking geyser."

Dean sneaked a disturbed look at him. "Now you're just being morbid."

All of a sudden one of the wooden beams from the truck in front of them came loose, flew through the air and, with Dean failing to see it in time, it crashed through the windshield and impaled him through the chest. Sam was thrown back as the Impala fishtailed, collided with a pole and came to a stop.

Sam shook the stars out of his head and stared at his brother's body, pinned to the seat by the beam. "Dean…"


	21. She's Stalled

**She's Stalled**

"… So your brilliant plan is to get out of town?" Dean was not amused. He didn't like running. Worst yet, he didn't like running from something he had no recollection was chasing him in the first place.

"Until we can figure out what is causing you to die more times than every soap star put together, I'd say it would be the safest, most logical plan," Sam insisted. "Look, there's the border."

Just as they approached the 'You are leaving Broward County' sign, the Impala gave a noisy rattle, shuddered and then stopped. "She's stalled," Dean said in disbelief, and then got out to inspect it.

Before Sam could ponder this turn of events, a little green Volkswagen came out of nowhere and rammed right into Dean, leaving a garish red smear on both cars. Sam, stared, horrified, as the teen from the other car got out, face white, phone in hand. "Dean!"


	22. Pull the Goddamn Brake

**Pull the Goddamn Brake**

Dean watched, bug-eyed, as the Volkswagen sped by, missing him by inches after Sam had yanked him out of the way. "Holy… great reflexes, Sammy."

"Not reflexes…"

"Yeah, yeah, you know it was going to happen," Dean said, waving him off. "All right, let's see what's wrong with my baby," he said, popping the hood. Sam shrugged and went over to the trunk to fish around for his stuff.

Dean lifted the hood, bent over to check the engine, and promptly got his cuff caught on the latch. As he tugged, he suddenly felt the Impala begin to roll forward.

Sam gave a frown as he realized the car was moving. He then heard Dean frantically yell, "Sam, the brake! Pull the goddamn brake!" before there was a thump and the Impala apparently rolled over something bulky. Sam ran for the driver's side and yanked on the hand brake, bringing the car to a stop.

Sam swallowed and cautiously got on his hands and knees to peer under the car. "Dean?"


	23. You Hear That?

**You Hear That?**

"You can't expect us to leg it out of here," Dean yelled.

"Trust me, Dean, this is only way we're going to get out of this town," Sam called over his shoulder, resolutely trudging down the road.

"I'm not leaving the fucking Impala, Sam," Dean yelled angrily.

Sam turned back around, holding up the keys. "Too bad, Dean, you've got no choice. Now come on."

Dean grabbed at his pockets. "What the… when did you take…? Sam!" he jogged after his brother.

Sam didn't care if his brother wanted to beat on him for taking his keys, provided he did it across the border. Dean was almost to Sam when both of them heard a funny noise and looked up. "You hear that?" Dean asked.

The two of them turned only to see, of all things, a Cessna making an emergency landing(i). Sam turned to push Dean out of the way, only his brother had the same idea and moved a split second faster, shoving Sam so that the younger Winchester hit the ground in relative safety. He looked up only to watch the plane smash into Dean and send his body hurtling several yards away… stopping just short of the border.

Sam gaped in horror. "DEAN!"

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><p>i This unusual death actually happened to a South Carolinian jogger in 2010.<p>

Supernatural season 7 premieres tonight! I will be joyfully settling in the couch with some wholly unhealthy snacks – as I'm sure everybody else will be doing as well. Happy watching to everyone!


	24. Not A Bee

**Not a Bee**

"… So in a time loop someone is doomed to repeat a period of time – in this case you," Dean was saying to Sam, "Over and over again until you find something that needs to be corrected."

"Or destroyed," Sam said, stopping at a bench in the park. "Aside from me everything is being rebooted after the trigger for the snap back(i) occurs – in this case you meeting gruesome, violent deaths."

Dean gave him a disturbed look and was about to say something when he let out a pained grunt and slapped at something on his leg. He fished something out of his pant leg and paled. "Oh shit."

"What?" Sam asked, only to see Dean suddenly collapse, his face flushed and his breath coming out in short rasps. He looked to see a yellow insect lying by his brother's boot. "A bee? When did you become allergic to bees?" he said hysterically, dropping to Dean's side.

"Not a bee(ii)," Dean gasped, and then his eyes rolled back in his head and he was still.

Sam grabbed at his jacket and shook him. "Dean!"

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><p>This snippet of Dean-fatality is brought to you by Lilac Elf of Lothlorien – Thanks so much for your suggestion!<p>

i The information regarding the time loop and the snap back was taken from TVtropes(.)com – many hours of my life have been spent on this site. It's been a pop culture godsend (along with hundreds of other sites I wander on).

ii The insect referred to is a yellow jacket, which is a type of wasp. Allergies to its sting are quite rare but it can be fatal.


	25. I Can Work the Damn Thing

**I Can Work the Damn Thing**

After yelling at Sam for buying a can of tuna when they were, in fact, not in possession of a can opener at that particular time, Dean had left the motel room in order to ask the proprietor whether he had one that he could borrow.

Sam had followed after a beat. The owner led him to the kitchen where Dean was about to work, of all things, an electric can opener. "Uh, Dean, maybe I should do that…"

"I can work the damn thing, Sam," Dean said to him impatiently. He turned the gadget on and in a flash the device slipped and red liquid sprayed onto the cream walls.

Sam stepped forward too late, even as beside him the inn's proprietor threw up onto the tiles. "Dean…!"


	26. Dude, I'm Eating

**Dude, I'm Eating**

Dean had a grin on his face as he spooned tuna out of the can. "You're fucking with me, right? I sliced myself up with an electric can opener?"

"It cut through you like you were an extra in _Grindhouse_. I didn't think blood spray like that was possible outside of Tarantino movies."

Dean glared at him. "Dude, I'm eating," he said, popping the contents of the spoon into his mouth.

He suddenly turned blue, dropped the spoon, made gagging noises and grabbed at Sam's shirt. Panicked, Sam ran over and performed the Heimlich, whereupon a metal object that he recognized to be a screw flew out of his brother's mouth and hit the opposite wall. Sam picked up the can to scrutinize it, only to find Dean still flailing and pointing to his throat. "There's another one?"

Dean gave a final gasp and fell over, his head thumping on the table. Sam pressed his hands to his forehead. "Dean…"

* * *

><p>This is in homage to the show <em>Kenan &amp; Kel<em> – specifically Ep01.02 'The Tainting of the Screw'. Ah, childhood nostalgia.


	27. An Instant Classic

**An Instant Classic**

Dean sat on his bed in their motel room, confused. "Let me get this straight – you want me to stay here, relax, and watch porn?"

"Actually all I said was for you to park it here for the whole day, you came up with that last one on your own," Sam said, but flicked the cardboard ad towards him anyway.

Dean grabbed it and grinned. "Hey, _Casa Erotica 9_. I heard it's supposed to be an instant classic, even better than one and four combined."

Sam rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom. Dean grabbed the remote control and went about ordering the adult movie, only there seemed to be a problem with the set box. Frowning, the elder Winchester got up to examine the device, decided it might have something to do with a loose cable, and leaned over the back of the TV to fix it.

In the bathroom, Sam almost gagged on his toothbrush when he heard a fizz and what sounded like a small explosion. He stuck his head out of the door. "… Dean?"

* * *

><p>This (rather fitting, really) Dean-fatality was brought to you by fanspired – much thanks!<p>

Apologies for the unplanned hiatus – the long weekend got suddenly full and spilled over. I hope to get this story back on track now. Thanks to everybody reading this story!


	28. Never Turn On Me

**Never Turn On Me**

Sam stood over his brother, seconds away from waving his hands in despair. "Dean, did nothing I say sink in?"

Dean rolled himself out from under the Impala to give him an annoyed look. "Keep your panties on, Samantha – I've done this hundreds of times. Say whatever the fuck you want, my baby would never turn on me." And with that he pushed himself back under the car.

Sam sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Three, two, one…"

There was an ominous groan as the car jack gave out and the Impala crashed on top of its bullheaded owner. Dean's legs gave a comical jerk as he struggled and then he was still.

Sam thudded his head on the side of the car. "Dean…"


	29. Check It Out

**Check It Out**

"So they have next to nothing in terms of helpful books on lore and local history, and the only thing I could find on the Mystery Spot are a bunch of old pamphlets…" Sam trailed off when he saw Dean peeking through the gaps in the books. "What are you doing?"

"Check it out," Dean said with a grin, pointing.

Sam looked and saw that there was a teenage couple making out on the other side of the bookcase. He rolled his eyes. "What are you, twelve?" he said to Dean, walking away.

All of a sudden the couple leaned on the bookcase a little too heavily and it slowly tipped over. Dean looked up just to see a heavy, hardbound copy of _War and Peace_ hurtle toward his head before the entire bookcase fell on top of him.

Sam whirled around to see the couple stare guiltily down at Dean's unmoving form, half-buried under books. "Dean…?"


	30. Hitchcock Might've Been On to Something

**Hitchcock Might've Been On to Something**

"This does not bode well," Sam murmured.

Both he and Dean stood in the middle of an alleyway, staring up at the electric lines. Perched on them were birds. Quaker parrots, to be exact, and there seemed to be hundreds of them. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but when several dozen were staring noiselessly at you with beady eyes it was largely unnerving.

"Wow," Dean murmured, "Hitchcock might've been on to something."

"Okay, let's get out of here, nice and easy…" Sam said, beginning to edge away.

Dean took a similar step backwards, only he bumped into a trash bin. At once all the parrots seemed to let out one cry of indignation and they all flew for Dean in one big, feathery blur. Sam barely had time to register what was happening before Dean's cries were drowned in the squawking cacophony. "DEAN!"

* * *

><p>This animal-related Dean-fatality was brought to you by LeighAnnWallace – thanks so much!<p>

I'm a third of the way there. Thanks for all the suggestions, I've hit the coveted ninety mark. All of you rock. Please keep reading and I'll keep churning out each morbid, bite-sized chapter!


	31. Two Completely Different Things

**Two Completely Different Things**

"All right, you had me until 'pecked to death by birds'," Dean said, stopping by a hotdog stand and pulling out his wallet.

"It happened, Dean," Sam insisted. "There were enough feathers to stuff a sofa three times over." He eyed the hotdog his brother was about to cram into his mouth. "I did tell you about that incident with the sausages, right?"

"Hotdogs, sausages – two completely different things," Dean said through a mouthful. "Besides—"

That was all he got out before a body fell from the sky and crashed right into him. Sam, the hotdog vendor, and a few other passersby watched, horrified, as the would-be suicide jumper rolled off the elder Winchester and bemoaned, "I'm alive?"

It took Sam great willpower not to throttle him. "Dean…"


	32. Why Does This Keep Bleeding?

**Why Does This Keep Bleeding?**

"I hate research," Dean murmured.

"No you don't – I hate research," Sam grumbled in return.

"But you always do it!"

"Which is why I hate it," Sam reasoned. He tapped the open book in front of Dean. "Keep reading up on time loops."

Dean sighed and flipped the page, only to let out a tiny yowl and clutch at his finger. "Damnit, paper cut," he said, nursing the wound on his finger.

"Suck it up, you baby," Sam said uncaringly.

A few minutes later, however, Dean wondered out loud, "Hey, why does this keep bleeding?"

Sam looked at him incredulously. "You're shitting me, Dean…"

* * *

><p>Sorry for the slow updates – not running out of steam, just been working a little harder on my other story. Also been offering sacrifices to various gods that the writers finally grant my wish and bring back Gabriel for season 7. Hey, a girl can obsess, right?<p> 


	33. Stop Bitching

**Stop Bitching**

"Why do you always have to play the hero?" Sam complained loudly.

Dean wiped sweat from his brow. The storefront had been on fire and Dean, having seen a cute girl trapped at the register (although he insisted her being cute had no bearing on his actions), dashed in before Sam could stop him. "Stop bitching and hand me that chair!"

Sam did as he was told. Dean reared back and then flung the chair toward the front window with all his might… only to have it bounce on what was apparently Plexiglas(i) and smack him in the face, cracking his skull.

Sam and the store clerk stared at him in stupefaction, Sam murmuring, "… Dean?"

* * *

><p>i This is yet another Darwin Award… only it was in the pursuit of something a lot less noble.<p> 


	34. Use the Back Door

**Use the Back Door**

"The fire's blocked the entrance!" Dean yelled out to Sam. "Use the back door!"

Sam grabbed the store clerk around the shoulders and began to lead her to the back. He finally found an exit and kicked it down, whereupon the two of them emerged into the welcoming afternoon, gulping in fresh air.

Sam turned to look for his brother, panicked, only to heave a sigh of relief when Dean came out, coughing but looking all right. Sirens could be heard in the distance. It was this moment that the store clerk spotted a motorbike by the side of the building, gave a screech and exclaimed, "Oh my God, Jason! He arrived early for his shift – he must be in there!"

Before Sam could say anything Dean plunged back in. Seconds later a young man who Sam presumed was Jason stumbled out. "Are you all right?" Sam asked. "Where's Dean?"

"Who's Dean?" the man asked, bewildered. "I made my way out on my own. Thanks, by the way."

Sam turned to run back in, only to be hindered when the fire suddenly engulfed the doorway and caused it to partially cave in, blocking his way. "DEAN!"


	35. Asshole Pills

**Asshole Pills**

Dean glared at Sam, who had a tight grip on his brother's arm, even as the fire blazed at the storefront. "You don't want me to go in there and save that girl? Did you take asshole pills this morning or something?"

"Dean, the firefighters are literally two seconds away – let the professionals handle this," Sam said firmly.

Dean shook his hand off angrily, moved back and began to yell loudly, "You're a piece of—"

That was as far he got before something big, red, and noisy slammed into him, causing bright red spatter to hit Sam in the face. The fire truck came to a shocked, grinding halt. "Dean…"


	36. Just Peachy

**Just Peachy**

Dean hit the pavement with a startled "Oomph!" after Sam tackled him out of the way of the fire truck.

Both brothers watched as the giant, red vehicle came to a stop in front of the burning storefront, the firefighter at the wheel killing the siren. "Are you two all right?" he inquired.

"Just peachy," Dean yelled back, picking himself up even as Sam groaned and dusted himself off.

It was at that moment that a large, white van collided into Dean, once again painting Sam in his brother's precious red stuff. The ambulance screeched to an astonished stop. Sam dropped to his knees and cried out, "DEAN!"

* * *

><p>This gory and ironic Dean-fatality was brought to you by Charlotte Willows. Your suggestion was magic – thanks so much!<p>

Enjoy Supernatural this week folks – this fic will be back next week, same Dean-time, same Dean-channel!


	37. Sammy?

**Sammy?**

Sam thought hard. It was crazy, but then again nothing he had experienced in the past something-Tuesdays had been remotely sane. Maybe, just maybe, the only way to jolt the two of them out of this cruel time loop was to do the unexpected, and that was to make THE WRONG BROTHER DIE. It was just asinine enough to work.

And so, taking a deep breath, Sam turned the gun on himself. Right before he could pull the trigger, though, Dean walked through the door. "Sammy?"

The look the brothers traded would have been absurd if one, well, wasn't training a gun on himself. And then Dean dove for his brother, attempting to wrestle the firearm from his grip. Sam squawked out a protest, tried to push Dean away, and in the scuffle the gun went off.

Dean promptly slumped over, blood pooling on the bed. Sam's mouth dropped open. "Dean?"


	38. Literally Anything?

**Literally Anything?**

"… Impalement, decapitation, smoke inhalation, multiple traffic collisions, animal mutilation…"

"Wait, what? I've been killed by animals?"

"Avian and canine. You've also had problems with springs, electric can openers, shower curtains, popsicle sticks, suspect pies—"

"Pies…?"

"Yes, not to mention the many times the Impala itself has turned on you."

"My Baby?" this actually seemed to disturb Dean the most, and he actually gave the Impala a suspicious look. "So literally anything?"

Before Sam could reply a girl with a bouquet of flowers passed by and the pollen caused Dean to give a godawful sneeze. His head smacked off a park bench, bounced back to hit a lamp post, and then he stumbled into an open port-a-potty that then fell into the nearby construction site and was crushed when a crate of bricks snapped and fell on top of it.

Sam watched it unfold like a Looney Tunes cartoon, before whimpering, "… Dean?"

* * *

><p>Sorry for the two year break – I, uh, hit a dog and fell in love with a veterinarian, didn't even bother to fish my brother out of purgatory and shit… Wow, no matter how you look at it, that excuse is spectacularly lame. Still, apologies, I will continue work on this fic but updates won't be as frequent as one a day like before; come to think about it I think it was the self-imposed deadlines that did me in. Hope you keep reading, though!<p> 


	39. I'm Going to Crash

**I'm Going to Crash**

Sam was exhausted, but he smiled triumphantly. They had done it. No, specifically HE had done it. For a grueling sixteen hours he had remained alert and vigilant, pulling his brother out of harm's way, arguing almost irrationally at every turn, sometimes even needing to use himself as a human shield. But it had paid off. The day was almost over.

"You reached a whole new level of weirdness today," Dean grumbled at him as they re-entered their motel room.

Sam ignored that; Dean could say anything he wanted. Tomorrow he would give him crap for it.

"I'm going to crash, give me a few hours," Dean groaned, and then dropped into his bed…

… Upon which he landed at an awkward angle and bounced off, falling headfirst onto the floor with a sickening thud.

Sam tore his eyes away from the clock (which said 11.59), and swiveled around. "Dean?"


End file.
